SEASON 2007

whew. what a season. i am happily hurting (mostly happily).... i have a bit of a new injury i won't disclose in case your going to Houston next weekend for the Governor's Cup.

the Championship was a killer. Both Lone Star Assassins and Deadly Kennedy's playing with ALL THEIR Hearts! i think a few of us would've been happy to recuperate in a freezer for a few to gnumb the pains!! but....for some reason, i think i sort of like to feel pain. it makes me feel more alive.... and i am not saying that i have a torture chamber in my bedroom, hahaha, good thing armand Hammer never reads this.

it was a deerrrby weekends. i went to watch the DDD's championship on Saturday, night before our own....it always helps to watch the game.. it always helps to watch your own game too. one of these days i wanna have a viewing party to watch all the games....althought i am always disappointed with the way i actually look, compared to the giant i imagine myself to be. at least the skates make me taller...... gotta go for now...

mia

PYRO MAIM YA, #10-70

skater name & #:  Pyro Maim Ya, #10-70

real name: Dara

team name: La Revolucion

dayjob and what you like and don't
like about it, how does it relate
to derby, times you work there:
Stay-at-home mom.The hours suck,
but the benefits are nice. My
husbitch and I co-own a few
businesses, so this gives me a lot
of time to obsessover derby and
force him to listen to said obsessing.

nightjob and info from above:
Loudmouthed drunk. Can be found in
clubs and bars,usually dancing in an
inappropriate manner. Again, no
salary,although I've been known to
mysteriously come home with more
money than I left the house
                       with. Still trying to figure that
                       one out.

where you kick it: Duncanville, yo.

hobbies outside of derby: Burning stuff. Sewing stuff. Writing
stuff. Training my big slobbery dog and attempting to enjoy
"normal"activities with nonderby friends(damn near impossible).

what relaxes you: Drinking heavily, dressing unwilling squirrels in Renaissance-era
costumes, and playing "What's That Smell?"

pets: A 140 pound Rottweiler who thinks he's a lapdog.  Also, that guy named Fred in
my attic who probably misses his family.

how long in derby: Since August 2006

are you physically active when not skating: Does running from the police count as
exercise?

roles and positions in the league: like position on and off rink:
On the track, Jammer and Blocker 3.  Off the track,co-captain of La Rev, Sponsorship
Chairwoman, Interleague Liaision and maintainer of the Ass MySpace profile.  Also,
I'm in charge of increasing my teammates'alcohol tolerance and I'm second in command
of the known universe.

likes and dislike of derby: I love to skate. I love that tense moment where I'm
poised on my toestops, waiting for the whistle to blow.  I love the feeling I get
when the jammer ref is pointing at me. I love taking a heavy block and staying
upright.  I love knocking people down. I also love the amazing support group of
friends/sisters I've made in this sport.The bonds we share in derby are very rare
for adult friendships. We're really lucky to have each other.

The downside?  The aches and bruises that linger a few days after a bout or a tough
practice.  The realization that I am not invincible.  The fact that problems in my
nonderby life cannot be solved by simply skating faster or hitting harder...reality
pales in comparison to derby.

do you have a derby nemesis: Not yet, but I'm interviewing for that position. It's
tough, 'cuz I can never figure out if I want to fight or make out.

derby injuries: A concussion and plenty of rink rash and bruises.Wanna see my right
knee?  It's so pretty and purple right now!

most embarrassing moment in derby or life: I don't get embarrassed easily.When people
are laughing at me, I'm usually the one laughing the hardest. I'm amused by my own
clumsiness.  I did have a funny moment during practice where one of the cones that
mark the track got stuck on one of my wheels...I balanced flamingo-like on one foot,
ripped the cone off and kept jamming. Oh, and I did my first belly-slide into the
crowd at the last bout(1st bout). That was more amusing than embarrassing, though.

bad real life injuries: I'm afraid that if I make that information public,my enemies
might exploit that weakness.

favorite food and drink: 
Food: anything spicy. Drink: anything alcoholic. I'm partial to Thai food and
Lone Star beer.

fave derby team/league outside of ass city: TXRG, of course!

fave players in other teams/league's.. I have a HUGE derby crush on Belle Starr(TXRG).
I'm also nuts about Saba Taj (NWA Rollergirls) and Death by Chocolate (Houston Roller Derby).

for my friend sophie: if you could be a slug or a q-tip, what would you be and why?
A slug, dude.  They're cute in a slimy way (much like most of my exes) and when
you're a slug, no one wants to ram you into anyone's ear.  Unless you're a brain slug,
of course.

mom or not: I am indeed.  My daughter celebrated her first birthday at our 2/11
scrimmage. Some people might consider her childhood to be somewhat unconventional.
Personally, I think it's nice that she'll have photographic evidence to show her
future shrinks during therapy...

-----------------------------------------
thanx Pyro.

a day or so in the life of Smacka Jawea $1.00

She's the pivot in this pic...getting ready to try and stop the Lone Star Assassin Eva Riot!

Smacka Jawea, aka Aimee, gets down and dirty with the Deadly Kennedy's. The DK's are our team with the biggest comeback from last season and the most feared return for this one. She has been skating with Ass City for a little over 1 year and likes to play pivot and jammer, she says," I think frontal blocking is one of my strongest assets. I'm getting better with every scrimmage at communicating on the track. I love jamming too but it is a challenge on my agility because I am not insanely fast and I need a little help through the pack. I need some fancy footwork. I just watch Goldie and she rocks my derby world!!!" (Goldie is also on the DK's and a story for another day...but she rocks lots of derby world's!!)

Smacka is also our Finance/Treasurer head and SHE rocks our derby world with her mad responsibility skills. Luckily she is an easy one to trust and had to come into the role after some real conspiracy in the league. She came into position after someone else had abused it, and nursed us back to health.... with a little help from Young Gunz (DK's) and others.(I've been reading and LOVING the new derby gal magazine, and it helps to know that we are not the only ones to be hit!)

Smacka works her Uptown Dallas dayjob often into the night and loves the networking it has given her for roller derby, although she says it is a thankless job. (prob good training for us derby girls-ha) She is also going to UTA for graphic design and a more challenging future. She wanted to be involved in law when she grew up so that she would feel like she was truly helping people and still says "anything is possible".

To relax she likes yoga, long hot showers, curling up in a ball to watch crap TV and tequila shots. She gots 2 dog shelties:jack and abigail.

For derby: "I love the skating, the work out, the feel of a clean hard block that sends some chick into the stands, breaking free of the pack and landing in the crowd!!! I'm a classic underachiever, so I could probably be way more of a badass if I focused a little more and pushed a little harder. In all seriousness I'm trying to have fun and that's hard in all this seriousness.......but get ready for the SMACKdown in 2007!!"

Her most embarrassing moment in derby is when her team was getting massacred and she ended the jam "crawling off the track defeated, bruised and ready to vomit." HA! "I wasn't embarrassed until I saw the video later. Learned alot from that bout!"


Most memorable derby injury: "no major injuries thankfully. I did kill my hip during our first bout last season, which totally threw out my lower back for months!!! That sucked, but nothing glamorous. Just lots of bruises. The coolest bruise I ever got though was from Ophelia Pain. I landed on my wheel so I had this totally bad ass witch doctor shaped bruise on my thigh. Wish I had a picture of that."

Favorite food and drink: queso and beer, margarita's, cheeseburgers from Lee Harvey's, cherry coke and pancakes. She's said she's all about nutrition.

Fave derby team is the Texecutioner's.
Fave derby girls: Lucille Brawl because she's too smooth and Dinah Mite because she is absolutely amazing.

She ends saying, " Last season the entire team of Lone Star Assassin's were the Deadly Kennedy's arch rivals, and I consider all of them my derby nemeses.....this season it's personal, MIA HAMMER!!! I'm coming after you. I'll be stalking you stealthy through the pack, and when you least expect it BAM!! SMACK ATTACK!!!"

yeah whatever

TOO FAST FOR LOVE

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 11

Cooooooooooooooooooooooome and Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet Itttttttttttt!

We are showcasing our new team of NEW girls, brand SPANKING new personalities,styles and skills! Come check out your friendly neighborhood roller derby. We can't show you love if your not there to see it!

So first we have the Bombshell Brigade(new team new girls) against the NWA roller gals, all fresh to the Dallas scene. Then we have an all out scrimmage with the rest of us bruisers. Our Ass City travel team has been busy this off season travelling to Kansas to battle the Kansas City Roller Warriors (lost but fought hard and learned lots) and the No Coast Derby Dames (WON) and then to San Antonio to fight the Alamo City girls(WON). Our season starts in March, come brush up your derby senses and don't worry, we haven't been getting dusty!

Also say hello to our new announcer Hank E.Pankey and our beloved Armand Hammer!

a day or so in the life of a derby chick

how do we do what we do and what else do we do when we're not doing it?
whew!
I think every girl on our league has like two jobs and two kids, or responsibilites equivalent to it. So I'm going to try to do a day in the life of a derby chick...starting with moi, because i'm easy for me to write about.

zee Morning

I hate them, even as child I was resistant to them.
During the week I wake up anywhere from 5am to oh shit it's already 7:15am. My son,
Arman Dangerous, usually wakes me up because he doesn't have the morning curse and has to be at school by 7:45am. Then I hit the morning traffic train for about 45min-1hour, w/no rhyme or reason for the timing. I've got to be at work by 8:30.

The day at work, bleh bleh bleh, I'm a receptionist at a cool uptown office with hopes of climbing the ladder.....off at 5:30pm and back to my son's school by 6:30, singing and screaming thru the traffic.

Now, on Tuesday nights and some Thursday nights I am a massage therapist. So it's a shuffle of motherhood, dinner, homework and off to bubble myself in a mood of calm, cool, collect...seems more like a switch on than a reality these days.

Sunday nights and Wednesday nights it's derby time! On Wednesday nights I hop back in my car for another 30 min-1hour to get to practice with the rest of the world that doesn't know how to drive. I pretty much feel beat down by the time I get to practice..... but it's about switching on your motivations, ya can't think about it, you just have to keep moving. Robotic almost. I just channel the traffic into my skating, RELEASE!

The rest of my life-Monday&Friday nights and Saturdays,is the regular stuff, house work, procrasinating house work, family time, extra excercise, friends.......they all pretty much get an nth of whats left of me...but I do it for derby. I love the way it feels to give a block and still be standing or pass up the pack like I wish I could in traffic. The sport is addictive.

Mia Hammer
40 oz

Xmas Scrimmage

So, in case you decided to stay home on a drizzly sunday night to watch the Cowboys get the crap kicked out of them instead of watching a bunch of chicks fight it out, lemme just say..(ahem)... STUPID!
You missed a truly great battle.
Final score: Peppermint Patsies 88, Santa's Lil Scalpers 87
This game was worth watching (unlike that other fiasco), it was tight the whole way through, with never more than 7 points separating the teams. So if you stayed at home all by yourself to watch men hit each other, well I guess that'll learn ya!

HELL TO THE CHIEF

That's right folks, the championship bout is upon us and La Revolucion will take on the Lone Star Assassins. A top priority transmission has been issued- there is a change of venue for the final rumble of the season. Hell to the Chief will play out at TEXAS SKATIUM, 2020 ROWLETT RD IN GARLAND. Check www.acderby.com for maps and details.

COME SEE WHO WILL BE THE BELLE OF THE BRAWL!!